“Our lives have gotten so cluttered up with things we think we “should” do, we can’t figure out what we were meant to do.”
Alli Worthington “devotionals daily” October 22, 2018
Have you ever had that very real feeling that God is speaking directly to YOU with some kind of sign, message or a word that someone speaks? You know that you know He is targeting you with something He keeps trying to tell you, but you just don’t listen . . or want to hear it. This (paraphrased) heading on my weekly devotions message caught my attention with a swift jolt. I knew that I knew that God was speaking directly to me. “Slow down. You can’t be everywhere, do everything, or be someone to everyone else.” “But if I don’t do it, it won’t get done. I have to take care of this.” I quickly surmise. Huumm. Really? There’s that self-control issue I have again. And I don’t trust God enough to think He can take care of it for me? Shame on me!
The past several weeks have been another whirlwind of events as I have been on an emotional roller coaster of ups and down, as bittersweet thoughts and memories of things long gone swirl through my head. Our father passed away in March of 2017, and in July of this year we were forced to move our mother to an assisted living facility. Mom suffers from dementia and is no longer able to take care of herself. We tried for several months to allow her to stay at home, but it was becoming increasingly difficult, as many of you may realize with aging parents. Then this past month it was decided we needed to go ahead and sell the house. (To anyone reading this who might have contact with our Mother, we have decided it best NOT to tell her the house is being sold. She seems to derive much peace knowing the house is still there and everything is safe ~ Thank you!)
Immediately I kicked into my cleaning, sorting, packing, giving, throwing and crying mode. A large, pre-civil war home that has been in our family since 1950, there are memories, heartbreaks, love stories and fun-filled thoughts of over six decades built within the walls of this house. Literally 2 stories, a basement, and a garage filled with long-lost treasures, hidden memories, and forgotten tokens of years gone by. Cabinets filled with china, crystal glassware, tea-sets, 3 generations of silverware sets given as wedding gifts. Desks and buffets filled with pictures and knick-knacks that belonged to our great-grandmother and grandparents dating back to the turn of the century. Bookcases filled with books, encyclopedias, and crafts made by all the grandchildren. Paintings on the walls, candles on the piano, figurines and old clocks on the fireplaces. Closest and dressers still filled with Dad’s things. Wooden checkerboards, jewelry and silverware boxes made by our grandfather. Boudoirs filled with tablecloths, linens and quilts. Pantry’s filled with canned food, wrought iron skillets and old recipes. I was overwhelmed. Of course my brothers were a huge help in every aspect of it, but there was still so much to do. Calling exterminators, antique dealers, estate auction companies, etc. Asking family members to please come in and choose something of value, of great memory to them.
Sorting through pictures taken in the large side yard of my Mother’s graduation in May of 1952, and then again in October of that same year, my parents were married in this house. Once again more pictures of our father in his Navy dress uniform and mother in a beautiful white dress jacket and skirt adorned with pearls, standing in front of the fireplace of the dining room.
Memories of playing on the swing hanging from the tree Papa built for us as kids; picnics and lemonade on the back porch with Nana, and learning to say our prayers when kneeling on the floor of the “overnight” (our Mother’s old pink bedroom) room. Nana’s and Mom’s old dolls still sitting in strollers; Little Golden books of the “Three Kittens”, “Little Red Riding Hood” and many other favorites on the shelfs which are still displayed in the “children’s” room.
Our great-grandmother, “Mammy” moved in with Nana and Papa until her death in 1966. My first husband and I had our wedding reception in the yard/garden in 1972. After my grandfather passed in 1974, my grandmother stayed for awhile but was quickly overwhelmed with the amount of work it required. My oldest brother then lived there for several years while he was still a bachelor attending college. I lived there for a few years with my four children after I was divorced in 1986. In the fall of 1992 my parents moved in, and it was there that my grandmother (who had been living with my parents after a serious car accident) realized she was “home.” She passed away a few weeks later in the house. In 2002 we celebrated my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary in the same dining room where they were married. Last year my father passed away in the “gathering room” where we had placed his favorite chair and the hospital bed.
Years and years of Holiday meals, Easter egg-hunts, watching our own children and grandchildren swinging on the “swing” from the tree. My brothers and I would reminisce, talk and laugh at so many memories. Pictures, certificates, and thoughts of our past siblings: a sister and two brothers. It just seemed like our life had vanished before us. It was so hard to let go.
I knew I have been physically, mentally and spiritually drained. I have not been sleeping well at night thinking about everything. Trying to remember all that I still need to do, or things I forgot to do. Today however, God openly reminded me to stop! I have been praying for Him to please speak to me, to please help me. He reminded me of the story of Jesus who was so tired after days and days of preaching, healing and teaching others. He told the disciples that he needed to rest and fell asleep in the boat. Even in the midst of a huge storm, he continued to sleep, knowing that everything was in the hands of his Father. The disciples couldn’t understand how he could sleep through such a horrific event. It was because he knew, he trusted, and he believed in his Father.
“Stop worrying, thinking and carrying all of this. Remember Who I am and that you need to take the time to spend with Me. I am your friend, your provider, your helper. You only need to call upon me for strength, for peace of mind, for others who can help you. And you have many new things to look forward to. Instead of being tired and worried all the time, turn your thoughts and time to making new memories with those who are with you now. Your grandson is getting married in two weeks. You and your husband are closing on your new home in three weeks. This is your life now. Memories are good, but don’t let them take over and miss out on the things you are called to do each new day. Focus on making new memories for your children and grand-children. Focus on reaching out to so many hurting people who do not have any good memories. Focus on teaching others about the love, promise and purpose I have for them.”
I knew exactly what He meant. Often times we continue to “live in the past”, remembering how things used to be. If only we could go back and re-live those good memories. But this is now. This is today. And there is so much to be done for today. . . one day at a time. I want my children and grandchildren to have memories of me someday that will inspire them to be a better person. So when we are hurting, lonely, scared, worried or discouraged, just live for today. Do something good for someone else. Make someone smile or laugh. Pray for someone. Volunteer for something. Don’t be overwhelmed with worry, work or life. Pray for yourself. . . and then honestly “listen” to what God tells you. He has so many good things promised for you. Don’t live in the past . . . look forward to His purpose for YOU!
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.” Jeremiah 29:11-14
Love and God bless to each of you!
Nanette